This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
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Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
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Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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