You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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