My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
