if you like me you must not know who I am
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
