I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
