that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
