im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
