I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
