$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
