You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
