And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
