my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
