fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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