I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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