If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
