let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The struggles of a small town man whore
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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