I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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