Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
