Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
