i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
