I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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