So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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