I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wear drunk well.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
