So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
