i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.