I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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