guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
