i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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