just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just forgot I was standing up.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
