Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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