Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
