U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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