i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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