is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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