I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
