lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
