I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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