and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
