O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
