Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
