my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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