There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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