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There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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