I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
