she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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