I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
