some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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