you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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