i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
