i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this boner is exhausting
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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