why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
