Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
