4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
