3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
