Just fell off a train. Bad.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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