I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
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Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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