like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
