I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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