I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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