Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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