i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
