Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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