You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
