Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
